


In Our Own Way, part four

by jeweldancer



Series: Cas and Dean [18]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Christmas, Dissociation, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Family Drama, M/M, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5714965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeweldancer/pseuds/jeweldancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is continuing to recover from his parents' visit. Dean, Sam, and Jess are happy to assure him that he'll always have a place in their family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Our Own Way, part four

Early Sunday morning, there was a very soft knock on the door. Sam, always an early riser, was the only one awake to hear it. He opened the door to find a nervous Becky on the doorstep.

"I, um, just wanted to see if Castiel was okay."

"Becky, come on in. I just made coffee."

"No, that's okay. I just, uh, wanted to check on things. I was...you know. Worried."

"He's doing better, actually. He and Dean are asleep right now. Listen, Becky, come in. It's silly for us to stand here letting in cold air."

Sam got Becky a cup of coffee, and they sat at the kitchen table. Becky traced all the way around the rim of the mug with her thumb, and repeated the action with her other hand. 

"We're really grateful to you for helping Cas yesterday."

"He sounded so upset. I know how he feels. My parents were like that, too."

"I'm sorry. I do think it helped to have someone who understood how he felt. I know the whole thing was probably stressful for you."

"I used to do that same thing. You know, dissociate. They'd be screaming at me and I'd just check out, you know." Becky swirled the coffee around in her mug.

"Geez. Becky, I..."

"Hey, it's okay, Sam. I'm not trying to make this about me. Just saying, you know, I get it. And if I can do anything, I'm right next door."

"The same for us, okay? We can never thank you enough for being there for him."

"Listen, Sam. I know this is kind of none of my business, but if you think it would help him to talk to someone...I, um, have a really good therapist. I can give you her info. You know, if you want."

"Becky. Thanks. I think that would actually be a really good idea. I'll take the number, and talk to Dean and Cas about it."

Becky nodded, and looked Sam directly in the eye for the first time. "I'd better go. Thanks for the coffee, Sam."

It was another hour before Jess woke up. She had gotten to the apartment late last night after spending the day with friends, and when she was nestled in bed with Sam, he told her what had happened to Castiel. Jess had cried, and only Sam's insistence had kept her from running to Dean's room right then to check on Cas.

After she awoke, Jess had busied herself with googling pancake recipes and checking the kitchen for the necessary ingredients. Cas had once told her about spending Christmas morning at his grandmother's, and waking up to the smell of pancakes. "If we don't have real maple syrup, you'll have to go out for some," she informed Sam.

"I'm pretty sure we do." Sam smiled fondly at her. "Dean is picky about food, you know." He located some in a cabinet within a couple of minutes.

Jess was a good cook, but she hadn't made pancakes in a while, so the first couple were sad-looking. She finally got in a groove and produced a stack of very respectable pancakes. Sam found butter and heated the syrup.

"Jesus, I think this is the best thing I've ever woken up to." Dean was standing at the kitchen door, shirtless, pajama pants, and rumpled hair. 

"I doubt that very much, Winchester." Jess shot back.

Dean ruffled her hair, causing her to shriek. "Hold on. I'm gonna go get Cas."

Cas awoke to someone rubbing his shoulder. "Hey, sweetheart," Dean whispered. "Jess made pancakes. Want me to bring you some?"

Castiel took a minute to fully register his surroundings. "Mmm. No, I don't want to be rude. I'll come out there and eat. I don't want to be responsible for maple syrup in the bed."

He sat up slowly, and Dean grasped his arm gently while he stood. Cas was surprised at how weak his legs were, but Dean was right there, guiding him into the bathroom. "I'll be right out here, okay, babe? Just call if you need me." 

Cas started his normal morning routine, but after he finished brushing his teeth, he began to feel fatigued. He tried to carry on, but he was feeling faint. "Dean," he whispered. 

Dean burst through the door and helped him sit on the cool tile floor. Cas leaned against the bathtub and concentrated on breathing. In, out. In, out. Dean knelt next to him with a washcloth and pressed it to his face. "Here, Cas. Here, baby. You're gonna be okay. I think getting some food in you will help."

The cool cloth on his face helped bring him around. "I'm good now, Dean. Just help me up, and I can make it to the kitchen." 

"No, sweetheart. You're going right back to bed. No arguments. Sam and Jess can come in here to you."

After he settled Cas in, Dean went back to the kitchen, and soon Cas's little family poured into the bedroom, bearing pancakes and radiating concern. Jess hugged him tight and kissed his forehead, and Cas teared up while thanking her for breakfast. He had mentioned the Christmas pancakes to her in passing once, and he couldn't believe that she had remembered. 

Jess sat next to Cas, Dean sat at the foot of the bed, and Sam was on the floor. The others talked quietly, and Cas was relieved that he didn't have to say anything. He felt surrounded by kindness, and he couldn't think of anything he'd ever done to deserve it. 

Cas did feel better after eating, but he was still wobbly. Sam gathered the dishes, and Jess squeezed Cas's hand. "We're gonna decorate the tree in a few minutes, if you feel up to joining us."

"Yeah, that sounds okay. Let me put some real clothes on."

Sam and Jess had already put the lights on the tree by the time Cas made it to the living room, but the ornaments still lay in piles where they had been abandoned the night before. Cas started putting hooks on the ornaments and handing them to the others. There was no theme for their tree, no color scheme; only the colorful assortment of half-price decorations that Dean had picked. Cas thought it was the most beautiful Christmas tree he'd ever seen.

Cas tried to help hang the ornaments on the tree, but he couldn't decide on the perfect spot for each one. His head felt fuzzy, as if his brain was taking much longer than normal to complete a thought. He stood staring at the tree, a glass angel in one hand, a snowman in the other. Dean finally came over and pried the ornaments from his hands. 

"C'mere, Cas." Dean sat on one end of the couch and motioned for Cas to lay his head in Dean's lap. He ran his hands through Cas's hair. 

"Feels good." Cas's eyelids fluttered as he tried to stay awake.

"S'okay, Cas. Close your eyes."

Cas didn't want to, but he was so comfortable, and Dean's hands felt so nice. He was asleep almost instantly. 

When he awoke an hour later, Dean hadn't moved, and the tree was finished. Jess smiled at him. "Hey, Cas. Want some hot chocolate?"

Cas felt a little embarrassed that he had slept in front of everyone while they had done all the work. "I'm sorry, guys. I'm pretty useless today." He sat up and tried to smooth out the wrinkles from his shirt.

"You're never useless." Jess smiled at him. "I'm gonna get you some cocoa. Unless you'd rather have something cold."

"Don't be so nice to me, Jess. I don't deserve it." Cas suddenly felt tears in his eyes. Damn it. So much for trying to appear stable.

Dean scooted next to him. "Hey, Cas. Hey." 

Jess put her hands on her hips and glared at Cas. "Castiel Novak, never ever say such a thing again."

"It's true. I'm just...a burden. Dean's always having to take care of me."

Dean opened his mouth to protest, but Jess spoke first. "You take care of Dean, too. Remember when he had the flu?"

"That was different. That wasn't Dean's fault."

Sam sat down on the floor in front of Cas. "Listen, man. This isn't your fault, either." Cas sneaked a look at Sam; his face was completely serious. "Look at me, Cas. None of this is your fault. You're doing the best you can with a lot of shit that got handed to you, and a lot of people wouldn't be doing nearly as well. You work and earn money, you're crazy talented, and you care a lot about other people. All of our lives are better with you here. Especially Dean's. So don't ever say you're a burden. It's not true."

Cas leaned into Dean; his shirt was probably getting wet from Cas's tears. Dean smoothed his hair and rocked him. "Sammy's a lot better at words than me. That was everything I wanted to say."

Jess left the room for a few moments and came back with tissues and cocoa. "Dry your tears, Novak," she said. "You're with us now, and we're going to try our damnedest to never make you cry." She grinned. "On purpose, anyhow."

Cas drew a deep breath and blew his nose on one of the tissues. "I don't know that I want to see my parents anymore."

"That's completely your choice, Cas," Dean said quietly. "We'll support any decision you make, but never worry again about family. Like Jess said, you're with us now. And the Winchesters are a pretty tight-knit bunch. And if your parents ever come back here, all three of us, and probably Bobby and Ellen, are going to be right by your side."

Cas pictured the gigantic brothers, the beautiful Jess, and the no-nonsense Singers staring down Naomi and Charles, and cracked a smile. What would his mother say? She'd be shocked, probably, that he had managed to garner such loyalty from so many people. 

"We are all going to have the best Christmas ever," Jess said firmly. "I won't tolerate anything less."

"Yes, ma'am," Dean whispered, and received a stern look in return.

"We are going to bake cookies, and wrap presents, and have Christmas dinner. It's going to be awesome."

"And watch Christmas movies," Sam added. 

"I personally would rather bake Christmas pies than cookies."

"Hush, Dean."

"It sounds like we're going to be busy," Cas said happily. 

"Is there anything you like to do at Christmas, Cas?"

"Not really. Well, I mean I'm not sure. I've always thought it would be fun to go ice skating."

"Yes!" Jess high fived Cas. "I've been trying to get these two to go skating for ages. Now I've got an ally."

Dean snickered. "I can't wait to see a moose on skates."

"A person's height doesn't have anything to do with their balance, Dean."

"Whatever. You better wear some knee pads and a helmet." 

Cas listened to the others bicker playfully for a while, then Dean and Jess made cocoa and a tray of sandwiches. Sam put on The Polar Express, and Dean pretended to roll his eyes, but Cas could tell he was secretly enjoying it. 

It had been a very stressful weekend, Cas mused. He felt as though he had lost any chance of being close with his birth family, but his adopted family had come through for him yet again. Cas vowed to himself that he would always try to do the same for them. He did have many weaknesses, but as Sam had said, he still knew how to care about people. He still knew how to love. 

"I love you," he whispered to Dean. "I hope that I'm enough."

Dean looked at him with understanding. "More than enough, Cas. Trust me."

"I do. I really do." Cas nestled in to watch the movie, and Dean kissed him.


End file.
